Who knew?
by pegasus-fics
Summary: Letting go doesn't hurt as it once did. Because you moved on.


**Summary:** "Letting go doesn't hurt as it once did. Because you moved on."  
**Pairings:** Liz/Other, John/Liz  
**Rating:** PG  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Spoilers: **none, set in the future  
**Disclaimer:** Stargate Atlantis and it's characters don't belong to me. I'm just playing! Also, I don't own the song 'Who knew' by Pink. This fic was only inspired by this wonderful song.  
**Feedback:** yes please

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_"If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone,  
I'd stand up and punched them out 'cause they're all wrong,  
and that last kiss I'll cherish until we meet again,  
and the time makes it harder, I wish I could remember,  
but I keep your memory, you visit me in my sleep,  
my darlin', who knew?"_

You keep your eyes out on the horizon, watching the sunset as you listen to his reasons and excuses. Reasons to leave you. Reasons to leave Atlantis. You don't want to hear it anymore, you wish he'd stop speaking. Then he's silent, waiting for your opinion but you know he wants your permission. Not that he needs one anyway. You take a deep breath and with a last look on the beautiful sunset, look him in the eye.

"Okay."  
"Okay?" he looks genuinely surprised and you'd find it adorable under different circumstances.  
"Yeah. I'll just need you to sign the resignation papers."  
"Sure, it will be on your desk the first thing in the morning." You don't doubt that.  
"Okay. John, are you sure about this?"  
"Never been more sure, Elizabeth."  
"Good." your heart is slowly breaking and you're sure he can hear it too.  
"To be honest I thought you'd be against it."  
"Even if I were, you'd leave anyway."  
"True."  
"Thought so."  
"Thank you, Elizabeth." he moves and kisses your cheek.  
"Mmmhmm." You mumble but he's almost out of the door. Your eyes close and you lean against the pillar because you're not sure your legs will support you for much longer.

The papers are on your desk the next morning, just like he promised. You read it again and again and after several minutes you tell some technician, whose name you keep forgetting, to send them to the SGC. Now it's final. He's no longer Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, your 2IC. Now he's just John Sheppard.  
You don't understand why he wants to leave such beautiful city and the possibility of so many adventures (sometimes very dangerous though) and the people. You don't understand why he is leaving you. You know all the reasons he chose to leave but you don't understand why he's doing this, now that you've become best friends and you've learnt to go to him with your problems; now that you've learnt to trust him with your heart. When he accepted to join the expedition, you didn't think he would leave after 3 years to marry some alien girl. Who knew?

He is leaving today. You can't believe it. The week has gone by so fast. You remember wishing he'd just leave a week ago and now you wish he wouldn't. But it's too late, the gate is dialling and he's saying goodbye to his friends: Rodney, Teyla, Ronon and Carson. And you. You're the last to say goodbye. There's no hug, no kiss, not even a shake of a hand, Just a few polite words and a nod. You try to smile but it seems you forgot how to do that. He's not smiling either and to you it seems weird. He will be soon married so why isn't he smiling?

The gate activates, he picks up his bag and without looking back disappears into the event horizon. Your friends stay in the gate room, looking at the Stargate with solemn expressions, while you go quickly to your office and try to work. Your thoughts are, however, occupied with him and you hate him for that even though you know it's ridiculous. You want to cry so desperately but the tears don't come. Suddenly you doubt everything you feel for him. Maybe it was just a high-school-kind-of crush. Anyway, it's been one-sided. It will take you a while to get over him. You don't think you ever would.

You didn't think you'd hear from him again but there you are receiving his GDO three years later. He couldn't pick any other day. Today is meant to be special for you and you want to enjoy it. The shield is down and then there he is, standing in the middle of the gate room, looking around the familiar surroundings before his eyes settle on you. He hasn't changed much. The same hair, a bit more stubble than usual but there's a different look in his eyes. You wonder what brought him here and why he didn't come with his wife. But none of it matters now. This is your day. He is still looking at you, at your white dress, with something in his eyes you don't recognize. When you saw him again your heart did a little somersault but you know that he's not in your heart anymore. He's been replaced and as you promised a few hours ago, it will be forever. You walk to the big hall where your wedding reception is held and you find your husband.

"Marc? We have a small problem here." Before you can explain and erase the confusion in his face, John steps into the room and is welcomed with deadly silence. You see your husband's face fall. "Marc, I'd never leave you. I promised you that much. Forever, that's what I said and I meant it. I love you, not him." He embraces you and kisses you gratefully. He's been there for you when John's absence was too much for you, he understood, knew what you felt for the other man. You learned to love him and now you can't imagine life without him. John approaches you and you feel Marcus stiffen.

"Sheppard." He greets him with a slight hostility in his voice.  
"Major Lorne."  
"Actually, it's Colonel now." Marc beams with pride and you have to hide your amusement at his enthusiasm. Sometimes he reminds you of John.  
"Congratulations, you deserve it." John's tone is warm but his eyes are cold and hollow.  
"Thanks. So...you're visiting?"  
"Uhm...no. Actually, I wanted to ask if I could come back." his eyes settle on you and you blink in surprise.  
"That's kind of sudden...uhm...I'll need to discuss this with the SGC. But of course you are welcome to stay here." You say with a small smile but not at all sure if him staying is a good idea.  
"Great, thanks." he smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. Those green hollow eyes.  
"What happened to your wife?" Marcus asks he question you didn't dare to ask yourself.  
"Turned to be a Wraith worshipper, spy, that kind of thing." At both our shocked looks he assures us. "Don't worry, I haven't told her anything." There's an awkward pause between the three of you. "So...uh...you two? Today?"  
"Yes." Marcus replies and his arm around your waist tightens protectively. You watch John closely for a hint of feelings. He turns his eyes to yours and looks at you with something in his eyes you longed to see three years ago. You break his gaze, telling yourself that it's inappropriate with your husband standing right next to you.

You wonder if he ever regrets leaving Atlantis in the first place. And you will never know because you're not talking to each other that way anymore. Your friendship received a blow and you don't think it will ever be the same. You know that this should be harder than it is. Letting go doesn't hurt as much as it once did. Because you moved on.

**THE END**


End file.
